The journey through grief is difficult. There are so many unknowns to navigate through. The unknowns in the first two years seemed to have encompassed the feelings of loneliness, fear, confusion, sadness, depression, and anger. What ensued after that was the not knowing. Not knowing where I was headed, who I was, or what I wanted. I found myself wishing my life didn’t have to be like this. I missed every little thing that was him and all the little ways he touched every little part of my life. All the little things made up and became the greatest parts. When one heart stops beating it ripples an entire world – past, present, and future!

I put my head down and plowed through the best I knew how. I made mistakes, fell down again, got up, dusted off, and continued forward one small step at a time. I found I could do things on my own, but belief in me is still a little shaky at times. The bigger the step the more I shudder. I have even acquired my anxiety back; mostly because I set time constraints and unwavering expectations on goals I want to accomplish or believe I should have accomplished to this point. In some instances, things just did not turn out to be as stable as I anticipated. However, pushing myself onward is the best way I know to stumble forward and discover who I am. If it works, I am grateful and if not, I am learning.

At this time I wanted to have written a piece about our love. I have gotten about half way. The ‘Dedication’ I posted already, but wanted to complete the rest before posting. However, I have found this to be a more difficult task than I originally anticipated. It is filled with a great deal of emotion and a life I am trying to sort out. It was important to me to have completed it in honor of him and his love. His anniversary is coming up this week and I always try to celebrate his life instead of his death on this day.

So new lessons to learn….

      Plans change, time is only relevant in the outside world, and creation is divinely orchestrated.

So I guess I will keep writing and take a second look at the anticipated time frame. Maybe a cliffhanger would be a new alternative……

3 thoughts on “JOURNEY PAST GRIEF

  1. I think what you are doing to keep him alive in memory is beautiful. I know that I have already said this, but I am just so aware of how much you honour him through your words, and through your sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sue, I kind of feel like there are no words, but I’ll try. To me, your love shines through here brighter than the brightest of beacons. Tears are coming to my eyes as I write and reflect on what you have written. So much beauty. So much honesty. So much hurting. But most of all, so much love. You honour your husband greatly through your words. Through your sharing. Wow. Simply wow. I feel as though you have opened a window to us that it is a privilege to enter. Thank you for that. To be honest, this post has touched me more deeply than any I have ever read.


    1. That was so nice of you. I want people to know about love. Trust me it wasn’t perfect but it was real. We had a short bad patch. It was because it was unconditional that love survived. To sincerely care about another and be willing to effectively communicate is what makes love. A movie I watched said it beautifully, “you Like because of and you Love in spite of”. And that is what we had.
      There is no one around to talk about him to to keep him alive in memory. This is my way of always having him remembered.

      Liked by 1 person

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