Sometimes we land in an unfamiliar undesired territory. It is where we are and the choices, although ours, seem somewhat coerced from sources unseen. During these times we must surrender to what is and let go of what is desired.
I am here; Grateful in our new normal to have a job and a home. I am having difficulty though letting go of my vision of what I desired. My old job was not surviving the new situation with COVID. It was time to make changes. Changes I made with prayers to bring me to a good outcome. And today I am here.
Now accepting that the universe knows what it is doing is a difficult matter for me on a few levels. I am now out in a workforce surrounded, with distance, to people. I am also working hours in a job I never would have chosen when given choices. But nonetheless I have found myself in this place with those little whispers of dreams still dancing inside. It is making acceptance difficult to say the least.
Letting go is an idea I am getting an education on. The lessons are painful in varying degrees. If I would just allow the lesson maybe moving forward would come more gracefully. I am however hard headed or slow at times. Maybe even a little controlling one would say! These characteristics can be very helpful in some circumstances, but at the present moment they inflict undue stress and confusion. Knowledge is wonderful until my mind rebuttals, But!
I am fully aware with the knowledge of who I am and how I am reacting. So why do I keep ending up back at resistance. Anything less than surrender will keep my mind spinning in this cycle. As I write I know, “I know”. And yet….
….Writing is where I go when I need my thoughts organized and not running amok in my mind. And today, once again, it holds the answers I seek. ‘Grateful’ cannot be a fleeting thought that gets swallowed up by all the contradicting thoughts in there. It must be a solid feeling, regardless of everything else.
So to me I say, “think heavily on this concept and find your way to really being grateful. Just surrender already!”