The Lights Are Dancing

The Lights Are Dancing

Shimmer and dancing

Colors of the rainbow

I see you have not gone far.

Our hearts are heavy

Your presence will be missed

I see you have not gone far.

A woman of patience

Caring and understanding;

Selfless in the way you cared for others,

The memories of you are tribute and legacy.

The smile never seemed to leave your face,

Your hair turned grey with time,

A quiet simple demeanor

With a fire smoldering

Until your strength was called to shine.

Our hearts are heavy

Your presence will be missed,

But I see you have not gone far…

Shimmering and twinkling

Colors of the rainbow

Your light is dancing.

Sm2019

*In Loving memory of a dear friend. RIP Sandy

Excerpts from Life …Love, Loss, and Survival

I am posting a first draft of a story under the “Story Time” tab. It is an excerpt of my life. The love, loss, and survival in living. It is dedicated to a man who changed my world in both entering and exiting my life. It is also dedicated to my children who inspire me and whom I love now and always.

It is the longest piece I have ever attempted to write. The words are written as a legacy to my husband who made my world a better place as he walked with me in love, joy, disappointment, sorrow, trauma, and blessings. Brutal honesty and raw emotion fill the pages telling a story of Love…an imperfectly perfect affair of two hearts.

It’s Wonderful Being Green

A little greenish frog has been sitting at my front door for 48 hours. Alive and well, content to sit there as my puppies and I pass over the threshold at various times throughout the day. It amazed me when I saw him still there this morning, but also has me awestruck as I realized the directions my thoughts went because of one little frog’s visit.

I searched for the spiritual message of meeting up with this little guy. It’s message talked of change and transformation. A message of travelling through the change and following my intuition. And my thoughts wandered back to a prayer from last night. I had always followed ‘my gut’ and asked for trust in it once again. I have ignored it, second guessed it, and forgot it was the whispers from Divine sources recently. And my thoughts took another detour…

This time to a distant memory of a time when I was meeting with a pastor in preparation for my second marriage. His words clear in my mind. They came in response to my answers to some questions laid out like a test from school. He reviewed my answers coming to the conclusion I was just a dreamer. Oh no, my mother’s words echo in the distance. He proceeds to tell me dreaming is okay, however, I cannot live my life in a dream state always following my heart. I defend….not just my heart. He seems not to hear and continues blah, blah, blah!

Suddenly I have a thought….it was sometime directly after that incident; the collaboration of my mother’s words, that I began having anxiety. The anxiety which comes and goes from then to now was believed to be a result of my overthinking and worry. Well this morning I have a new theory! Could it be a result of me stifling my authentic self with opinions created from past experiences. Instead, have the whispers known as intuition become shouts, known as Anxiety, attempting to get my attention? The subconscious mind knowing things are not quite balanced?

An epiphany! This little visitor not only brought me answers within his message, but relief throughout my body. Painful tensions have slowly begun to ease.

Change is inevitable and it must begin with me.

I offer gratitude and pray for peace for my little green friend.

Phantom

I (my thoughts) wander the dark halls of my mind. Gathering emotions from all I have seen or done. Trying as I might to feel the next step, the action I should take. This home is not quite right. No one has come here in so long. The halls are empty and echo the intentions of what I want. The laughter has not returned. Playful fun and dreams are fleeting: Only appearing long enough to keep the embers burning, but never quite igniting into beautiful dancing flame. I meander through- gathering memories of times when I stood full of life, eager to try, and filled with love. A tear touches my heart , never reaching my eye, as I wonder about that woman able to do and see so much. I reach for her and she slips through me like a phantom residing somewhere just beyond this reality. She is there; Elusive and tempting. A smile plays on her lips and a longing dances in her eyes. She too wants to come home reunited with all that was good and all that is waiting to become.

Yin-Yang

yin-yang

So many things I have experienced;

Some I can say I never want to walk thru again.

But those moments have broadened my knowledge of what is really good.

The simplest, even smallest, things added together are grand.

Without the heart breaks and sadness….

How would I ever know what is truly good?

Another Year Goes By

I walk the line today between the past and the present. My heart is heavy laden with memories. I have taken steps toward the future while my mind drifts to the past . My heart is ‘happy/sad’ —

Happy for the Love and sad for the loss, grateful for all the memories in time and sad there are no more. It is those quiet in-between spaces which fill up with you. I gaze back to the moments in life that filled me with so much love and I can listen to your voice, but what I miss most is the touch. You can still touch so many of my senses but…..

I long to feel the physical just one more time. However, I know one more touch, one more minute, or one more day would only make me want for more. Instead, I step from those in-between spaces happy to still feel your love and presence in all the moments of today!

RIP