Another Day, Another Chapter

I am awake and nervous for a few reasons. Mainly because I lack confidence at the start line. The nervousness also comes from circumstances in my life right now. My job is to not let the circumstance become the object of my own self sabotage.

I finally embarked on a new job three weeks ago. It was a necessary thing for my own personal well being as well as financial. This job is with a reputable company, but not a position I have ever done or would have looked for under different circumstances. We are in the middle of a pandemic which brings enough anxiety to the table, but this position delves into the telecommunications field in a call center environment. Neither of which were on my resume until now.

The position offers a security many do not have currently. It is a security I lacked prior to any global situation. So, I am moving forward trying to muster all the confidence I know to be true within myself. Looking for my personal truths and realizing you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Yesterday ended with my little dog having issues with her left leg. She too is not as young as she once was! As I fell asleep my mind starts telling me I need to make her issue my main concern while my gut argues my training takes precedence. Although I know she needs to just rest her poor little leg and I’ll have someone check on her part way through the day my fear turns my attention away from my duties. (Insert anxiety) These bantering thoughts mixed in with recollections of the abundance of information I don’t want to forget made for a restless night.

Being aware of the sabotage gives me wisdom and strength to fight off the silly little gremlins chattering away. I must focus my attention inward. I must choose to believe in my abilities. I am excellent at customer service and I know I can learn the technology. For heavens sake, the technology was a constant conversation while my husband worked in this field for years. So why am I questioning my ability to such a job? Because silly little gremlins plant the seeds of doubt and fear. Boy, can I harvest them! So the war wages and I continue my fight for balance. It is another day and another chapter on my journey.

Keep trying and you keep winning. Quitting and giving up is the only form of failure.

Carpe diem!

I hope we all are safe, doing what we can, and enjoying the new day💕

Individually Unique, Collectively the Same

I am warning that I am not writing any of this lightly or without vigilance. None of the thoughts contained within this post are anything, but uniquely mine.

I deal with this whole situation with the same tenacity I do anything else in life. I like to ask questions and do not take what I hear or see as absolute without them. I am also trying not to be led by the fears. Whether it’s the scariness of this virus, the highly infected areas that my children live in, the uncertainties in which we are all living, the increased aloneness I am feeling, or the memories I sit with in the quiet. I pray for those I know and all those I do not. It is a crazy changing world right now. It has shown us both sides of human nature, although I believe more good than bad.

As I sat on my porch enjoying nature, warmth, and the fact that I and my family are healthy as of today; I notice little things….birds coming right up to the porch to gather seed off the ground, the beautiful melody of my chimes accompanying the bird songs, the simple love of my little dog cuddled in my lap, and the coziness of my spaces. I am grateful amidst the scariness.

A thought; -one I hope evolves into more but for now was enough- I wish we would all see and understand for all our uniqueness we are all the same. Not race, color, creed, nationality, religion, sex or age has made any person better or immune to the virus.

It would be wonderful if we could understand, beyond all the things making us different we are all the same. The essence of being human makes us connected by a sameness. Maybe in this realization we can come out the other side better, more supportive, and more connected.

Praying for the entire world…Health, wisdom, and togetherness! 🙏🙏🙏💕

Feeling like Spring

“Digger” Dallas
“Welcome” at the door

A little warmer today with sun shining. I feel like Spring…new season, new year cycle, new beginnings.

Started with an outside floral arrangement and a grooming for the puppy. A spring cleaning for the house…clearing out the winter doldrums. Maybe even a little bit of cobwebs out of the brain.

I know winter is not done with us quite yet, but it is a day filled with hope of new things to come.

Is Winter Coming To A Close

Dragonfly. Sm2019

I have been on hiatus in so many respects in life for a while now. In my lack of posting we know writing and photography are included. However, life has seemed to stand still in an uncomfortable slumber for the past two years.

Life would move along as it seemed to be changing and awakening. Then things and/or people would fall away again. I wondered if it would ever return to the way it was. My heart was saddened, but kept its hope.

Optimism is not always an easy task. I just take ‘my moment’ before latching onto it again. My mind chatter can be so infuriating as it spews thoughts from ages gone by. It has not learned that all thoughts are not pertinent to life today. Mind chatter wants what is familiar; truths no longer true or valuable. Please listen…I am no longer that person and these thoughts or beliefs no longer concern me.

As a winter storm finally moved across our area the tide changed. It is as if I am in an aligning cycle. The people seem different as they converse with me and I feel different. There is no anticipations in life and communication. It is, it happened, and the day was lighter; maybe even a little brighter. Maybe my long winter season is finally changing.

Whatever the case, I am back to writing and photographing a little. Even in these there are no expectations; just enjoyment. Could that be it? A step back to enjoying life as it is, on its terms.

As you read this post I hope you have an Enjoyable day.

Battle of the Seasons

As the signs of a winter storm are just memory, spring tries to push forth. But my dear, I do not think Winter is ready to leave just yet. You might be a little premature.

The seasons battle as they stand side by side trying to be victorious.

No signs of winter as the flowers stand back up to show off their color again.
The brown and drab of winter still stand their ground.
Buds open to bask in the sunshine.

Change Is Inevitable

Just as the seasons change,
Just as dawn turns to dusk,
The sun moves & the stars shine.

Change is inevitable…

As the flowers bloom & die away,
As the trees bud & fall asleep,
The colors turn from bright to gray.

Change is inevitable…

We are born & grow old,
From youth to elder we learn,
Seeing and living life exchanged
For memories and presence felt.

Change is inevitable & necessary.

Sm2020

The Lights Are Dancing

The Lights Are Dancing

Shimmer and dancing

Colors of the rainbow

I see you have not gone far.

Our hearts are heavy

Your presence will be missed

I see you have not gone far.

A woman of patience

Caring and understanding;

Selfless in the way you cared for others,

The memories of you are tribute and legacy.

The smile never seemed to leave your face,

Your hair turned grey with time,

A quiet simple demeanor

With a fire smoldering

Until your strength was called to shine.

Our hearts are heavy

Your presence will be missed,

But I see you have not gone far…

Shimmering and twinkling

Colors of the rainbow

Your light is dancing.

Sm2019

*In Loving memory of a dear friend. RIP Sandy

It’s Wonderful Being Green

A little greenish frog has been sitting at my front door for 48 hours. Alive and well, content to sit there as my puppies and I pass over the threshold at various times throughout the day. It amazed me when I saw him still there this morning, but also has me awestruck as I realized the directions my thoughts went because of one little frog’s visit.

I searched for the spiritual message of meeting up with this little guy. It’s message talked of change and transformation. A message of travelling through the change and following my intuition. And my thoughts wandered back to a prayer from last night. I had always followed ‘my gut’ and asked for trust in it once again. I have ignored it, second guessed it, and forgot it was the whispers from Divine sources recently. And my thoughts took another detour…

This time to a distant memory of a time when I was meeting with a pastor in preparation for my second marriage. His words clear in my mind. They came in response to my answers to some questions laid out like a test from school. He reviewed my answers coming to the conclusion I was just a dreamer. Oh no, my mother’s words echo in the distance. He proceeds to tell me dreaming is okay, however, I cannot live my life in a dream state always following my heart. I defend….not just my heart. He seems not to hear and continues blah, blah, blah!

Suddenly I have a thought….it was sometime directly after that incident; the collaboration of my mother’s words, that I began having anxiety. The anxiety which comes and goes from then to now was believed to be a result of my overthinking and worry. Well this morning I have a new theory! Could it be a result of me stifling my authentic self with opinions created from past experiences. Instead, have the whispers known as intuition become shouts, known as Anxiety, attempting to get my attention? The subconscious mind knowing things are not quite balanced?

An epiphany! This little visitor not only brought me answers within his message, but relief throughout my body. Painful tensions have slowly begun to ease.

Change is inevitable and it must begin with me.

I offer gratitude and pray for peace for my little green friend.