Universal Uplift

Heart to Heart…We are all in this Together!

An early morning walk; just me and my dog. It is our time ~ I enjoy the calm as I take in the sights and sounds of nature while she “reads her daily news”. ( a neighbor coined this term to describe a dog’s smelling, sniffing, business making routine of deciphering what, when, how, why and who had been about since the last out) Just like my dog I try to see, feel, and hear what is around me. The signs and signals nature gives if we just stay in the moment and pay attention.

This morning it definitely had a message. I have seen posts about people putting up hearts (A World of Hearts) to signify that we are all in this together, our hope, and our appreciation for those on the front lines. We have all become aware of our neighbors and family near or far as we endure this pandemic. There is no escaping the news as all of us have our routines turned upside down and some are personally suffering its grip. But this morning the message came in hearts…..even the universe is partaking in the message!

A message of hope and love; Of thoughts reaching out to everyone no matter the color, creed, or citizenship.

WE are all in this together and this too shall pass.

 

Excerpts from Life …Love, Loss, and Survival

I am posting a first draft of a story under the “Story Time” tab. It is an excerpt of my life. The love, loss, and survival in living. It is dedicated to a man who changed my world in both entering and exiting my life. It is also dedicated to my children who inspire me and whom I love now and always.

It is the longest piece I have ever attempted to write. The words are written as a legacy to my husband who made my world a better place as he walked with me in love, joy, disappointment, sorrow, trauma, and blessings. Brutal honesty and raw emotion fill the pages telling a story of Love…an imperfectly perfect affair of two hearts.

Phantom

I (my thoughts) wander the dark halls of my mind. Gathering emotions from all I have seen or done. Trying as I might to feel the next step, the action I should take. This home is not quite right. No one has come here in so long. The halls are empty and echo the intentions of what I want. The laughter has not returned. Playful fun and dreams are fleeting: Only appearing long enough to keep the embers burning, but never quite igniting into beautiful dancing flame. I meander through- gathering memories of times when I stood full of life, eager to try, and filled with love. A tear touches my heart , never reaching my eye, as I wonder about that woman able to do and see so much. I reach for her and she slips through me like a phantom residing somewhere just beyond this reality. She is there; Elusive and tempting. A smile plays on her lips and a longing dances in her eyes. She too wants to come home reunited with all that was good and all that is waiting to become.

Another Year Goes By

I walk the line today between the past and the present. My heart is heavy laden with memories. I have taken steps toward the future while my mind drifts to the past . My heart is ‘happy/sad’ —

Happy for the Love and sad for the loss, grateful for all the memories in time and sad there are no more. It is those quiet in-between spaces which fill up with you. I gaze back to the moments in life that filled me with so much love and I can listen to your voice, but what I miss most is the touch. You can still touch so many of my senses but…..

I long to feel the physical just one more time. However, I know one more touch, one more minute, or one more day would only make me want for more. Instead, I step from those in-between spaces happy to still feel your love and presence in all the moments of today!

RIP

 

JOURNEY PAST GRIEF

The journey through grief is difficult. There are so many unknowns to navigate through. The unknowns in the first two years seemed to have encompassed the feelings of loneliness, fear, confusion, sadness, depression, and anger. What ensued after that was the not knowing. Not knowing where I was headed, who I was, or what I wanted. I found myself wishing my life didn’t have to be like this. I missed every little thing that was him and all the little ways he touched every little part of my life. All the little things made up and became the greatest parts. When one heart stops beating it ripples an entire world – past, present, and future!

I put my head down and plowed through the best I knew how. I made mistakes, fell down again, got up, dusted off, and continued forward one small step at a time. I found I could do things on my own, but belief in me is still a little shaky at times. The bigger the step the more I shudder. I have even acquired my anxiety back; mostly because I set time constraints and unwavering expectations on goals I want to accomplish or believe I should have accomplished to this point. In some instances, things just did not turn out to be as stable as I anticipated. However, pushing myself onward is the best way I know to stumble forward and discover who I am. If it works, I am grateful and if not, I am learning.

At this time I wanted to have written a piece about our love. I have gotten about half way. The ‘Dedication’ I posted already, but wanted to complete the rest before posting. However, I have found this to be a more difficult task than I originally anticipated. It is filled with a great deal of emotion and a life I am trying to sort out. It was important to me to have completed it in honor of him and his love. His anniversary is coming up this week and I always try to celebrate his life instead of his death on this day.

So new lessons to learn….

      Plans change, time is only relevant in the outside world, and creation is divinely orchestrated.

So I guess I will keep writing and take a second look at the anticipated time frame. Maybe a cliffhanger would be a new alternative……

A Dedication

I am fine!

I will live this life on my terms…

I will learn to do what I cannot,

I will enjoy all the little moments,

I will live life to its fullest,

I will never forget the memories or the love,

For each success, big or small,

I will celebrate,

And without regret

I will allow all of these to fill my heart

with gratitude throughout my journey.

In honor and gratitude for the love & strength you bestowed upon me,

The connected parts of our souls will enjoy each breathe I take.

Always…

In my heart, whispers in my mind, & part of my soul.

I Am Fine!