Another Year Goes By

I walk the line today between the past and the present. My heart is heavy laden with memories. I have taken steps toward the future while my mind drifts to the past . My heart is ‘happy/sad’ —

Happy for the Love and sad for the loss, grateful for all the memories in time and sad there are no more. It is those quiet in-between spaces which fill up with you. I gaze back to the moments in life that filled me with so much love and I can listen to your voice, but what I miss most is the touch. You can still touch so many of my senses but…..

I long to feel the physical just one more time. However, I know one more touch, one more minute, or one more day would only make me want for more. Instead, I step from those in-between spaces happy to still feel your love and presence in all the moments of today!

RIP

 

Nowhere

To know you belong nowhere you have been and not where you are is an oddly scary feeling. Wanderlust has been my driving force in the past year. It has not offered any answers or exotic destinations though; Just a walk backward over the places I have been in the past 14 years, a subconscious effort to find what I have lost.

What I have lost is materialistic, emotional, and so much more. I am not entirely sure if I subconsciously  search for myself, my lost loved one, my spiritual beliefs, or a combination of it all. What I do know, is I hope to find what I search for and come out on the other side of the chaos whole. My path to wholeness is filled with a desire to question life, it’s reasoning, and my purpose. What else is there when your world crashes and your heart shatters into a million pieces a little over a year ago? For me,  it’s still a wanderlust… Trying to find my way out of belonging nowhere.