Where Resides My Heart

It is after conversation I begin to question my moral beliefs and how open my mind can be. The only debate I wish for during this discovery is my own moral compass. Not meaning to be cold or unopen to discussion, but I am only interested in discovering my own deep seated morals at this time. I do not care or wish to consider what others may think as the journey in mine and personal.

I ponder where the heart of mankind resides. It is referenced daily as if it is superficial and simplistic. I do not speak of the organ which pumps blood throughout our bodies, but the more elusive intangible heart – the soul of what any of us are. It is in this place where feelings of extreme emotion like joy, sorrow, love, and dislike reside. From here these emotions are projected the world in which each person lives. We learn and institute our core beliefs from associations with people and experiences in our life from an early age onward. I do not believe any are permanent and they can become outdated by who we have grown to become over time. This is why I would like to look at myself; adjust, adapt, or remain steadfast in moral compass.

Society evolves accepting or rejecting what becomes new knowledge and so must I. The conversation I refer to was of a sexual nature and may not be suitable for those younger or those not ready to venture this road. I have accepted a long time ago that sexual preference is not as black and white as an older generation or religion might believe. It is a matter of love and should not be taken lightly by anyone or any sex. It comes with commitment to working at it and can be a precious gift not everyone has the pleasure of receiving. On this subject I am comfortable with my moral beliefs, but the conversation I had delved into a world I have little knowledge about and no experience in. So listening and researching were my first steps in trying to understand it.

I question what I don’t understand and I asked lots of questions. Parts of the conversation into sexual practices I can say at this time I cannot and do not want to understand because I am uncomfortable enough to continue with my moral compass believing they are more negative than positive. These I do not accept as right nor healthy as my mind sees them. I do however wish to understand what is becoming a norm in society- having many partners without any expectations to commit to each other. Even to the point of having sex with a number of different partners just for the pure pleasure received. Herein lays my debate with my moral compass. Are my beliefs outdated or modern enough for me?

Searching in an attempt to find ‘the one’ resulting in having numerous partners over time is not my chosen path, but I can at least say I understand the theory. That is a journey for each individual and the affairs of their heart. The other side of the coin, where it is simply for gratification seems to be ego based to me. I am not wired to seek personal satisfaction without concern for someone involved in the play. In fairness this is the point where I listened without questions and tried to open my mind to the thoughts the other person.

As it was explained to me, it is an activity void of connection because the two parties have sought this and are in agreement. It is based on consenting adults looking for a good time. Seems innocent enough! Well, at least until I thought about it some more. To me, it is primal in nature and fear based. If this is the only interaction you choose I must wonder why. Is it selfishness, fear, or narcissism?

So back to asking more questions… I discovered this behavior comes in many flavors so to speak. Some have permanent relationships and this choice is an extension beyond it. Others remain solitary and do not require the ‘prince and princess fairytale’. What I am hearing and interpret is a choice to remain unattached on all levels. The reason I am being given is, it’s an easy carefree relationship/association. Yes, I consider a sexual encounter a relationship. It has connected expectations on some level and is not a solo act. There are no responsibilities beyond pleasure of the flesh, no expected dependability to each other, and no sappy emotion to get tangled in. I can see the simplicity and ease of hooking up for a night. But I ask can this be a way of life? My heart – the soul of who I am and what I believe- begs to ask if there is more to life. Isn’t the journey about learning, experiencing, and connecting? Or is it about seeking superficial pleasures without growth, knowledge, or connection? Is it travelling down the easy road where the ego rules and ‘Me’ is the only important person in the world?

Even though scenarios around the subject are numerous, I have only reflected on a certain circumstance and conversation. In respect to that, I would digress to say it is or stems from an unhealthy situation. Ill-health producing more of the same is negative in context and brings more negativity into life. I firmly believe we need more positivity. So in conclusion, I would have to say my moral compass is modern enough and I will remain content to believe in a more monogamous and substantial connection.

Journey Onward

Life is an unconscious journey we are on the whole time we are on earth. Yet there are moments, happy or sad, which fling us into a conscious adventure discovering who we really are now. We must ask hard questions of our-self, face our fears, question our core beliefs, and learn to love ourselves once again. Saddle up, hold on to the reigns, and enjoy the ride. This is part of the journey meant for discovery – who, what, where, when, and why.

……

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Tick Tock

​Tick tock; the clock races on…

Seasons change,

You grow older each day,

Sun rises and sets –

Time waits for no one.
Tick tock; time moves forward…

No matter what happens,

 No matter what you say,

Or how much you hurt –

Life continues around you.
Tick tock; scars begin forming…

Thoughts of yourself give rise,

 Tears cry silently in your heart,

You notice an occasional smile  –

Tick Tock, tick tock

You begin to march to your own beat.

What We Are Capable Of


We are capable of many things.
I myself am capable of doing, thinking, and believing many things in a day.  I, as well as you, are capable of success, failures, making choices, making mistakes, falling down, and getting up. I am also capable of working myself up to frustration, being overwhelmed, and depressed. Have you ever heard, ‘you are capable of anything you put your mind too’?

At times I am so aware of this process that the thoughts about changing add to the frustrations. Simply put – I think too much! I have learned to walk and breathe in fresh air to clear my mind while grounding myself. I will meditate, in my own style, to a happy place. I strive to reach a place of utmost joy; A place where life is simpler, happier, clearer, and stable. I never gave a thought to how trying to rise from the depths to the stars in one jump could be my biggest failure.

You may not like the me of this moment but I must digress – it is the me for the moment, better than the moment before. You must take me at each step or leave me forever more. I must take a tiny step and choose to feel each emotion on my rise to true joy. I cannot skip all the emotions between the dark feelings and pure joy without understanding what lies between. I must choose to move up and meet them one at a time. It is in the process of feeling and understanding where I learn.

I am alive to experience all life offers. {It was never meant to always be easy or good.} Somewhere in the middle comes the experiences which build character. “On our journey, every little thing combines to create the greatest sum of our parts…I Am!… And I am capable.”

Crisscross Life

​https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/crossing/

A year ticked off by seasons, seconds, minutes, hours, and days is either full or empty. A perception of the participant on the journey.

On my journey of 2016, I have dotted I’s and crossed T’s, came upon the proverbial crossroads, crossed into, crossed off, and circled back to the crossroads. It was a journey full of business, learning, adventure, sorrow, joy, friends, angels, hope, loss, mistakes, and discoveries.

As my life enters into 2017,  I hope I cross every bridge, I  make a choice at every crossroad, and enjoy my unique journey;

Life is a crisscrossing…

of good and bad,

of negative and positive,

and

of endings and beginnings.

Own It and Let It Go

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/mope/

It rises from the ashes of the negative,

the negative emotions we hold within ourselves,

the thoughts turned belief that self-sabotage;

Hold them for your moment-

acknowledge them to be aware,

feel them to experience,

use them to learn,

and at the end of the moment set them free;

Allow your self to hold only the positive,

giving your soul a gift of peace and light,

otherwise…

you will mope through life, missing it’s beauty, opportunities,  and balance.