It’s Wonderful Being Green

A little greenish frog has been sitting at my front door for 48 hours. Alive and well, content to sit there as my puppies and I pass over the threshold at various times throughout the day. It amazed me when I saw him still there this morning, but also has me awestruck as I realized the directions my thoughts went because of one little frog’s visit.

I searched for the spiritual message of meeting up with this little guy. It’s message talked of change and transformation. A message of travelling through the change and following my intuition. And my thoughts wandered back to a prayer from last night. I had always followed ‘my gut’ and asked for trust in it once again. I have ignored it, second guessed it, and forgot it was the whispers from Divine sources recently. And my thoughts took another detour…

This time to a distant memory of a time when I was meeting with a pastor in preparation for my second marriage. His words clear in my mind. They came in response to my answers to some questions laid out like a test from school. He reviewed my answers coming to the conclusion I was just a dreamer. Oh no, my mother’s words echo in the distance. He proceeds to tell me dreaming is okay, however, I cannot live my life in a dream state always following my heart. I defend….not just my heart. He seems not to hear and continues blah, blah, blah!

Suddenly I have a thought….it was sometime directly after that incident; the collaboration of my mother’s words, that I began having anxiety. The anxiety which comes and goes from then to now was believed to be a result of my overthinking and worry. Well this morning I have a new theory! Could it be a result of me stifling my authentic self with opinions created from past experiences. Instead, have the whispers known as intuition become shouts, known as Anxiety, attempting to get my attention? The subconscious mind knowing things are not quite balanced?

An epiphany! This little visitor not only brought me answers within his message, but relief throughout my body. Painful tensions have slowly begun to ease.

Change is inevitable and it must begin with me.

I offer gratitude and pray for peace for my little green friend.

What Do I Know

Resisting without consciously realizing kept me stuck in a crater for three years. I can no longer say a rut because I am consumed by it. The years, though they seem short in terms of memory , are so long in relation to moving forward. Fortunately, my mind is finally finding the thoughts necessary to lift me from this place.

It is not like I haven’t been told by many people during this time period, “Just let go”. Maybe it was the attitude, tone, or lack of understanding. Whatever the reasons, I was stubborn and took offense to these words more times than not. Today, I have begun to realize letting go meant nothing more than to stop resisting the changes that have to happen. At first I thought these changes were an evil attempt to take away the memories and life I once had.

  “But when you lose a loved one, change is going to happen. It is beyond your control and necessary in finding your way. You can no longer be who you were because you were part of something you are no longer part of. So inevitably life changes.”

   I found myself struggling with trying to hold on to what was. I was afraid of all the unknowns I was being unexpectedly cast into. All I knew is I wanted to be part of the something I had. I was not ready to be someone different and alone.

In the beginning my situation dictated giving away a lot  and moving away from the life I had been living. So in answer, I carried so many belongings symbolic of our life and love everywhere I went. I mean I had a white-knuckled death grip on all the material things I packed up to store in an 8X10 storage. This is more silly than you realize, because I had nowhere to take this stuff. However, my mind and heart  knew I had to have it.

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