I Am — Ever Changes

No matter what I or anyone else thinks of the person I was or I am…

“I” am is what brought me the best things in my life. Anyone different than the “I” at each moment would mean I would not have those things…

*not my children

*not my husband

*not the love

*not my puppies

*not my friends

It is all because of the person I was at each of those moments. Good or bad, it was me and I am grateful for it all. I can honestly say I would not change what was. It would result in a loss of all I have!!

Nowhere

To know you belong nowhere you have been and not where you are is an oddly scary feeling. Wanderlust has been my driving force in the past year. It has not offered any answers or exotic destinations though; Just a walk backward over the places I have been in the past 14 years, a subconscious effort to find what I have lost.

What I have lost is materialistic, emotional, and so much more. I am not entirely sure if I subconsciously  search for myself, my lost loved one, my spiritual beliefs, or a combination of it all. What I do know, is I hope to find what I search for and come out on the other side of the chaos whole. My path to wholeness is filled with a desire to question life, it’s reasoning, and my purpose. What else is there when your world crashes and your heart shatters into a million pieces a little over a year ago? For me,  it’s still a wanderlust… Trying to find my way out of belonging nowhere.