Excerpts from Life …Love, Loss, and Survival

I am posting a first draft of a story under the “Story Time” tab. It is an excerpt of my life. The love, loss, and survival in living. It is dedicated to a man who changed my world in both entering and exiting my life. It is also dedicated to my children who inspire me and whom I love now and always.

It is the longest piece I have ever attempted to write. The words are written as a legacy to my husband who made my world a better place as he walked with me in love, joy, disappointment, sorrow, trauma, and blessings. Brutal honesty and raw emotion fill the pages telling a story of Love…an imperfectly perfect affair of two hearts.

JOURNEY PAST GRIEF

The journey through grief is difficult. There are so many unknowns to navigate through. The unknowns in the first two years seemed to have encompassed the feelings of loneliness, fear, confusion, sadness, depression, and anger. What ensued after that was the not knowing. Not knowing where I was headed, who I was, or what I wanted. I found myself wishing my life didn’t have to be like this. I missed every little thing that was him and all the little ways he touched every little part of my life. All the little things made up and became the greatest parts. When one heart stops beating it ripples an entire world – past, present, and future!

I put my head down and plowed through the best I knew how. I made mistakes, fell down again, got up, dusted off, and continued forward one small step at a time. I found I could do things on my own, but belief in me is still a little shaky at times. The bigger the step the more I shudder. I have even acquired my anxiety back; mostly because I set time constraints and unwavering expectations on goals I want to accomplish or believe I should have accomplished to this point. In some instances, things just did not turn out to be as stable as I anticipated. However, pushing myself onward is the best way I know to stumble forward and discover who I am. If it works, I am grateful and if not, I am learning.

At this time I wanted to have written a piece about our love. I have gotten about half way. The ‘Dedication’ I posted already, but wanted to complete the rest before posting. However, I have found this to be a more difficult task than I originally anticipated. It is filled with a great deal of emotion and a life I am trying to sort out. It was important to me to have completed it in honor of him and his love. His anniversary is coming up this week and I always try to celebrate his life instead of his death on this day.

So new lessons to learn….

      Plans change, time is only relevant in the outside world, and creation is divinely orchestrated.

So I guess I will keep writing and take a second look at the anticipated time frame. Maybe a cliffhanger would be a new alternative……

See As A Child Sees

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Beauty is there…

You have to look–
You just have to SEE it.
Let yourself see as the child you once were…
Open, boundless, imaginative, and full of possibilities.
Do you SEE?
                                                                                                                                        ©sm2019

Sacred Spaces

I have an obsession of sorts for collecting pens and writing pads (I still call them tablets of the non- technological sort). I can get lost in time looking at journals, pens, writing tablets, and books. Pens are not much of an issue any longer as I have found the perfect one after years of searching. However, as I pass by and think to myself, “I need this” it goes home. No regard is given to responsible evaluation as to whether the purchase is necessary because I have to have it. It amuses me when I get home because I will find an intentional purpose for this new purchase and place it neatly among the others. It is not an obsession taking over my space or anything, just once in a while an object catches my attention as I pass by. Rarely do I find such an item during time spent purposely looking at them.

Being that my situation has caused me to significantly down-size I have ‘sacred spots’ now instead of a space designated to creating. These objects are nestled into bookcases, on a desk, and storage baskets in different areas of my home. Some are well used and others are blank waiting for the moment of purposeful inspiration. These spaces seem to be subconsciously placed strategically to be easily accessed and constantly seen from the most comfortable places in my rooms.

My Sacred Spots are modge podge areas of creative inspirations. My Spots nudge me without rhyme or reason to create; Journals, writing tablets, sketch pads, pens, pencils, crayons, paints, markers, and my camera with its accessories….all inspiring even though the outcomes and intents are different. Once one of my prizes catches my attention; I get comfortable, play some music, and let my mind wander, observe, listen, and open…

For now I have no niche in which I create– I just create!
My muse does not discriminate…
Words inspired by or for photographs, words with drawings, or just plain words!

Inspire, Open The Soul

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES…

Quotes make me long to be the best I can,
They give me hope when life is chaotic,
They give my positive energy when I am overwhelmed.

My mind opens to possibilities –
I wander into thought,
Envision who I could become,
Feeling the hope of things to come.

They release the burdens from my heart,
Allowing the light to come forth from my soul,
While my mind finally hears the melodies offered in nature.

Even in the briefest moment —
I connect to the essence of life as it should be;
Grateful in its presence…
If only it lasted forever, what a better person I would be.